Lifes good

Today I realized that life is not bad for once. I have nothing to complain about and no bad feelings. I had an interview today and I pretty much owned it lol. I am going back to my high school tomorrow to do something i love. I get to spend time with my family this weekend for a bday party and I have an incredible boy that likes me vvery muuch ad gave me a very sweet card for my birthday telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves talking to me and seeing me smile and how much i am influencing his life in a good way. That makes me feel incredible lol. I am keeping that card for the rest of my life. I also have an amazing daughter one with me that makes me smile everyday and makes me feel amazing even when i am having the worst day ever. Also have an amazing mom that is also there in my business evenn when I hate it but i know she is just trying to protect me and doing what is best for me and loves me unconditionally and will be there forever. Just everything is going right now and I love it. I don't have to deal with a stupid baby daddy texting me all the time because he can not control me anymore and no fighting and no drugs and happy about it and the best friends in the entire world. I just wanted to write about even if giving a baby up for adoptin made me feel horrible for the longest time everything is okay now because the people in my life and how I made it.

20

well wow i am officially 20 today this is crazy to think i made it this far... I look back on all the things i have gone through and accomplished and it amazes me. One thing I know is that i have turned into one strong young lady after all the years of messing up then doing right. There is nothing I would change about my life because I know all the things I have been through is what makes me who i am today. I especially would never regret meeting Mias dad because even though we are not talking I am blessed with the most amazing and beautiful daughter I could ever have and she is what keeps me going and that is why she is the name i am getting tattooed on me first because even though she is only 1 1/2 she saved me.. She gave me the chance to start a new life even though I let her down at one point of time looking at her face and knoowing that she is the only one she has to count on made me change my whole perspective of life and thinking wow i am a teenager but I am the one that had sex knowing i could get pregnant and decided to keep her so it's my responsibility to be there for her and grow up and she got that through to me. When I look at her i see my guardian angel in her because she is always there by my side giving me the guidance that I need to become the mother I need to be for her because now i havve to be the mother and the father so I will have to teach her everything and be there for her through all the I hate you mom to the first heart brake to sending her off to college or whatever she decides to to. I just want her to be successful and I kknow that me growig up and being a ro model to her finally will help her do. Just because I have a kid does not mean I can't do what i wanna do in life. I am going to go to college to be a cosmetologist and be successful at it because I want the best for me and my daughter and no offense to my mom but i don't want to live here forever lol. But even though it took 20 years for me to discover all the things I needed to it's never to late to finish what should been a long time ago. i can't wait for the day that my daughter looks at me and tells me I am the best mother in the world and i can tell her al I have been through and hopefully get her to stay away from it at least try. well thats all i have so excited for this year my 20th year on this earth it's gonna be rockin!!

new life

I always wondered where i was gonna end up after i hit rock bottom. Got into gang members, went to jail, got my daughter taken and so on... but now i know new friends, my daughter, my family back and happy with God helping me every step of the way! I look back and think who was that girl and what happened to her to make her be so unhappy.. and the answer is nothing she was just stupid and got to caught up in the wrong things. Most people that know me knows what i am talking about but those who dont can take a wild guess and probably be right. I am so happy that i have over come getting my daughter back and having good friends because of treatment and high school friends that I got back after they could trust me again and the fact that I can live in my parents house again knowing that once i get a job and stable that I can move out and know i am not going to screw up again. Mostly i am happy because i am over a year sober and that took a lot of hard work cause only God knows I have been wanting to pickk up a drink or go buy something but I have the power and strength to contain myself from it and really i dont want it cause now I know is it worth getting my daughter taken from me.. NO its not so why do it?? My birthday is in a few days and i am extremely excited for what ts gonna bring me I have so many goals that i want to accomplish and I know i will be able to. i went to the movies yesterday with a special friend and his mother and her boyfriend and it was really awesome I never wanted to go see the hunger games but it was actually really good! It was also nice to escape fro life and just have some ME time for once. I really have not gotten that since I gave Zoey up for adoption really i have not gotten out the house so it was really good for me to go hang out and have a good time even if it was only a movie lol. well i am tired so i am gonna go to sleep goodnight and God bless!! I can actually say i am enjoying life for once!