I always wonder if everything i do is for the best. I mean don't get me wrong giving Zoey u for adoption was the best for her and me but I mean it was just so hard. Every day I go on feeling alright but every night is the hardest for me and I don't  know why. I feel so happy during the day but when I am alone in my room and everyone is sleeping all I can do is think of what she is doing and all I do is cry.. Sometimes I bring Mia into bed with me to have someone there beside me but is this feeling ever gonna go away. I know i am probably suffering the post pardon depression from having the baby or whatever it's called but will it go away after that is over? Caus i am really sick of feeling this way..... I can't listen to some songs without crying cause it reminds me of her and I can't even sleep well at night sometimes cause i swear I hear a faint baby cry and I wake up and it is just a dream.. I am just so exhausted from these long nights of thinking and crying. I really hope that my dad is right that this feeling will go away because I want to be able to rest at night and know that everything is okay even though I know she is in good hands, thats why I don't get why I feel like this. I mean is it normal. I just wish I had someone to talk to that has gone through the same thing to tell me that this numb feeling and worrying and sadness will go away. Cause i need someone to tell me everything is gonna be alright cause right noow i don't feel alright. Recently i have had the most amazing person to talk to m everyday and tell me they care about me and have for awhile and checks up on me everyday just to make sure i'm okay and it feels good to have that person in my life because I can't lie to this person and say i'm okay when really i'm not. It's nice to have that person to know I am hurting and try to make me feel better. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not but they understand when it doesn't and still tells me that I will be okay just give it time. Day by day is how they tell me to take it but really it's minute by minute for me cause I am still numb and i am still sad and tired and lonely but i know i am strong in the end i mean i have conquered staying sober one year and 10 days I can do anything right? I sure hope so. Well i am gonna try and get some rest and I will hopefully have something brighter to say the net time i write on here just tonight not so much..

God bless you all and goodnight!! <3