Today was very bumpy i woke up in a good mood and happy but then all of a sudden i just felt really crappy when i went to the store with my mom. I tried to listen to music cause that usually calms me down but i don't know what was wrong with me. I just felt like i could have crawled in this little black hol4e and stay there for hours and never come out. My mind has just been wondering i even forgot to have my snacks and my second body by vi shake for the day.. I guess i have just been really bothered that Zoey is in Cali now and I am officially legally not her parent it just hit me. I mean i know i am her mom but signing those papers the day after she was born i gave up the definition of a mother to Becky. She is the kindest most caring woman in the world and I am glad i got to give that to her, but I just feel down inn the dumps today confused. i guess what really just plays on in my head is the fact that Mia's dad said Mia is gonna hate m when sh finds out I gave her baby sister up for adoption when she is older.. I mean is that really gonna happen. I would think she would under stand and it's not like she is not gonna be involved in her life at all. I am sure I am gonna see Zoey again, well let me re phrase that I know I am gonna see Zoey again so I did not give her away and said goodbye I did what was best for her ad for me and for Mia. I had an interview at Walgreen's today and that got my mind off of Zoey for a little while. I am just praying that one of the two positons that is open will be given to me cause I need a job so bad. I am so tired of being stuck in the house wrapped up in my own feelings alone during the day. I mean i have Mia to deal with but two days outta the week she goes to daycare. I try to go on walks but still I need to be around people and I mean I go to treatment on Mondays but that's it.... I really wish I could go more often but I don't at the same time just at the fact that I would be around people and not stuck at the house to just stare at a t.v. or be on a face book for long periods of time. Tonight was really good though cause i got to talk to a special someone who has been there for me through thick and thin and I care about a lot because he has been there since I found out I was pregnant and cares about me so much. he calls me everyday even if he doesn't have to. It's really sweet actually but it made my night alot better to where I know i can get a good nights rest without getting up randomly all hours of the night and tossing and turning, but I don't have much else to say and I am getting really tired so I am gonna go to sleep but I hope all is better tomorrow and I really hope its not raining tomorrow cause I wanna be outside tomorrow!!! well goodnight and God bless!!
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